Jet set

I didn't know what to expect on my first trans-Atlantic flight.  I knew jet-lag would be a bitch to deal with, especially with two kids in tow.  The thing I hadn't planned on was coming down with a sinus cold the week before the flight.  This cold belongs to a virus that desperately wants to stay in my body.  With a small amount of urgency, I visited my doctor to plead for her simply fill my sinuses up with epoxy or something so that I wouldn't have to deal with this anymore.  She told me that while I wouldn't be taking off with an ear-infection, she couldn't say that I wouldn't be landing with one.  And so, armed with enough drugs and prescriptions to make a B-list celebrity's day, I carried on.

My heart was already fluttering with it's amped-up dose of Sudafed when I gave it an extra jolt of Affrin just before boarding.  How is this stuff legal when otc birth-control pills are not?  It has warning labels like a pack of cigarettes - DO NOT USE FOR MORE THAN 3 DAYS, consult your doctor, certain death will occur.  Inside of 10 minutes my throat was dry, my sinuses clear and my fingertips tingling.  Affrin is da bomb.

Once the cabin door shuts, in go the Earplanes.  These little guys are my new best friends.  Miracle workers.  I am the kind of person who is reduced to tears sometimes because of the pain of trying to get my ears to equalize.  As the plane rises to 40,000 feet, I start to realize that I haven't had any pain or pressure.  Not only that, but I can hear out of my right ear!  (That is the one which gives me trouble.)  I am so blown away by this that midway through the flight, I take it out, just to see if I can still hear.  I can.  This is going to be a great trip!

I try to sleep.  I am hesitant to take an Ambien now because what happens if you basically mix speed with a sleeping pill?  Amy Winehouse?  I only slept from about 2am-6am the night before, figuring I'd catch up on the plane.  I do grab two one-hour naps.  It seems to be enough because I feel pretty good until the plane lands.  For whatever reasons, the plane makes a very short, steep decent.  Practically the whole plane load of passengers is gripping their heads in zombie-like agony as the pressure does not get a chance to balance things out.

All of my hard-fought progress is lost.  The cabin doors open and I am in misery.  My ear is completely closed and my head is throbbing.  I feel like I am underwater as the sounds around me are muffled and distorted. Shit.
 Looks like giant Afrin bottle...

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